Returning to the Dating Scene

Getting back into the dating scene after a long break can be daunting. You may feel afraid of the unknown or uncertain about your ability to attract a mate. On a practical level, you may not have the first idea about how to get started. Here are eight expert-approved tips to help you take the plunge and get back in the game. 

Think process, not progress. If you think of dating as a race to find “The One,” you’ll be too anxious about every potential date to enjoy, much less evaluate, your options. Instead, think of dating as a longer game, with no rush to the finish line. 

Talk to everyone. Maybe your friends know you’re interested in dating, but do your colleagues? Your neighbors or gym buddies? The more trusted folks who know you’re in the market, the more people you’re likely to meet. Tap younger friends and adult children for input, too, says Maria Sullivan, vice president of the global dating platform Dating.com. “Dating culture today is much different than what you may remember, and these loved ones can be great resources and confidence boosters.”

Make a list. Crafting a detailed list of essential qualities you’re seeking in a potential partner helps you focus on what you truly want. For example, the top three traits you’re looking for in a future partner might be having a good relationship with family, being kind, and having a similar sense of humor.

Use an app. But be strategic in how you go about it, says Meredith Golden, a dating expert and coach and founder of SpoonMeetSpoon. Using more than one app helps you widen the field, but try to limit the time you spend on each. Golden’s strategy: “Check your apps once in the morning and once at night, for about 30 minutes each time.” That helps you avoid losing hours unproductively or obsessing over your profile or replies. 

Create a standout profile. There’s no need to overembellish; be yourself but in the best possible light, says Golden. Choose photos that show you looking directly at the camera, and without obscuring hats, sunglasses, or, worse, other people. Two really great photos are better than six so-so shots. And you don’t have to be a great writer to pen a compelling description, she says. “You want to give enough information to initiate a conversation. Avoid anything too personal or too long.” Think: conversation starters, like “was president of my eighth-grade class” or “believes no good music was written after 1990.”

Don’t rush it. This is good advice for anyone dating someone new, but especially if you haven’t dated in years. Jumping into dating after a long break feels weird at first, says Sullivan, so start conversations with multiple people—there’s no need to narrow it down to one or even a couple of potential dates. Only when you feel like you’re comfortably in the swing of things should you take the next step of arranging a first meeting.

Do a bit of digging. A two-minute Google search before you meet someone should be enough to ensure that there are no obvious red flags. It’s not intrusive; it’s self-protective. “If you don’t have a last name, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for one after the plan is on the calendar,” says Golden.

Give yourself a mini-makeover. This isn’t about impressing potential dates; it’s about putting your best self forward as a way to boost your confidence, says Sullivan. Get a new outfit, treat yourself to a new piece of jewelry, or consider a new hairstyle.